i want a Chanel necklace. have been thinking about it for a very long time.... but doubt anyone can afford buying it for me. what more my parents ......

so yeap think mum's going to have a fit when she transfers money to my acc. later. practically no more money left alr dieeeee

ok hmm so i guess life's been really bleak nowadays. especially these 2 weeks. it was full of ups and downs and i guess the only person who really understand how i feel is. MYSELF. these 2 weeks made me learn a lot. like. i can only trust myself to do things and i can only depend on myself. no one knows for sure what i am thinking of and what i want to do. its only me throughout the whole things. maybe the next person who really knows is Gary? thank you so much for listening to my crap and enduring all those vulgarities i scold on you. and all those insecure shit stuffs i send you.


ever since his birthday, things were so so between us. like finally. everyone was so glad we were on talking terms again. they all missed how we were like when we were talking to each other. my friends and classmates thinks we were made for each other. too bad the timing isn't right and too bad we are too stubborn. guess its just fate. i hoped/wished so much that we can be together but i guess its really not meant to be. this made me learn a lot. i thank him for giving me the chance learning the truth the hard way. motherfucking hard way. thanks for making me stronger though i cried in front of you. thanks for making me realize what kind of person you really are.

i felt life was bleak and i needed a shoulder to cry on. thank you Cheryl for holding me that day. even though it was fucking embarrassing to cry in a shopping mall. thank you for talking to me and comforting me. thank you Sarah Cherie Stella Janet Zik Farhan for making me realize he really isn't good enough for me. its never too late though it took such a long time.





so yeap at least i was happy on thursday. hehe talked to M wahahahaha ima happy girl i love the feeling of eye-candying someone again. esp when i used to eye-candy him and he thinks i am pretty HAHAAHH. i love the feeling of being able to be myself again. i felt so trapped when i am around him. everyone around me will know how carefree i was today when he isn't in school. i wasn't even hung up about the fact that he's not in sch kudos to myself. i feel so stress when i am around him. which is apparently. everyday single day. this will remain until the day the both of us can talk to each other freely. i hope real soon i don't want to be trapped anymore.